Newsletter #42: Preparing to Breastfeed Before You Meet Your Baby

by BMSG Editorial Team

With greater awareness of the importance and benefits of breastfeeding, many expecting mothers want to prepare themselves for this momentous journey. But how can you actually get ready to breastfeed when you haven’t even met your infant yet?


Information is Power

Pregnancy often makes mamas attracted to peaceful, calm photographs of mothers breastfeeding their infants. It looks like the easiest, most wonderful thing in the world – and, of course, it can be.

However, the truth can be very different for many mothers after delivery, when your body feels as though it has been torn into two and you are battling with blood loss, pain, fatigue and hormones. Breastfeeding may look natural but it is in fact a learned skill that takes time and effort to figure out.

Yes, the truth is that many mothers may face difficulties breastfeeding in the beginning. These issues could range from flat nipples, sleepy jaundiced babies, tongue ties, extra-large breasts or nipples, or even just trying to figure out the best way to hold your floppy newborn.

Breastfeeding can be hard work but with some support and mental preparation, it can be a satisfying journey. [Credits: Lisa Matthews]


On the bright side, most of these problems are common ones with established solutions, and being empowered with information before you give birth can be the best way to prepare. If you know beforehand the kind of issues that many mums face, you will be less thrown off if it happens to you, and you and your partner will know that there are solutions you can employ to help make your journey a little easier.

Some ways which you can prepare yourself:

  1. Speak to mummy friends who have breastfed their children and ask them to share with you honestly what their pitfalls and problems were, and how they addressed them
  2. Join the Breastfeeding Mothers’ Support Group Facebook group and read posts as they pop up on your feed. This is an easy way for you to get a quick handle on the common issues that many mamas face
  3. Attend prenatal classes (including BMSG’s Breastfeeding 101 workshops) to find out more about the journey ahead of you and how you can make it easier for yourself and your baby


Knowing where to find support, including seeking comfort in other mothers, can be helpful if you are overwhelmed or just need reassurance. [Credits: Lisa Matthews]

Form Your Support Team

Although much is made about the breastfeeding mother, the reality is that we create breastfeeding families. A mother is never alone in her journey and the best way to make sure you can succeed is to ensure you have everyone on the same page.

First and foremost, it is crucial that you have your spouse on your side. It is a wonderful way to bond and prepare for baby’s arrival by attending prenatal breastfeeding classes together and understand how important the role of each parent is. 

Fathers must also buy in to breastfeeding, fully understand and support the decision to breastfeed. After giving birth, mothers are often disoriented, in pain, and may find it difficult to advocate for themselves. This is where Dad needs to step in and step up to support Mom. Be the guardian and a wall to block off unhelpful advice and unnecessary comments that may come from people who have good intentions but do not know better.

Daddies, don’t undermine your presence – mummies need you more than ever especially in the challenging early days of breastfeeding. [Stock Photo]


Choose Postnatal Support That Suits You

As mentioned before, being prepared is the best plan of attack. It would be useful to have the contacts of some good International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLC) whom you can speak to if you have any problems.

Many newly-delivered mothers in Singapore also hire confinement nannies to help out in the first month or more. Very often, mums hire these nannies based on word of mouth and friends’ recommendations.

However, it is really important to note that different mothers have different needs and requirements. A nanny who worked out well for your friend may not be as helpful for you if your needs are different. Therefore, if you intend to breastfeed your infant, look specifically for a confinement nanny who is fully supportive of breastfeeding and who can help you succeed. She should be up-to-date with breastfeeding knowledge and be willing to assist you as needed.

For example, while many confinement nannies try to make themselves useful by offering to take the baby at night so that you can “rest”, remember that night feeds are crucial to establish and maintain your milk supply and avoid engorgement, blocked ducts and mastitis. A breastfeeding-supportive confinement nanny can help by changing baby’s diaper at night and then passing baby to you for a feed. 

Confinement nannies and any other family member who is helping the breastfeeding mum should support the mother without imposing on her wishes. They can focus on helping mum on other mundane tasks such as changing baby’s diaper, cooking meals for her or doing other household chores to keep mum comfortable. [Stock photo]

Ditch the Pump

Many mothers are told to bring the pump to the hospital and to start pumping diligently from the beginning. Wanting to ensure they have sufficient milk supply, mums bring out their expensive dual electric pumps and go at it in the hospital room – only to be devastated and panic when they find they are getting nothing.

 In the first few days, your breasts make colostrum, a thick, rich, sticky liquid that is highly concentrated, full of protein and nutrient-dense. It’s the perfect food for your newborn and helps to fight infection, supports baby’s immune system and gut, and flushes out bilirubin through baby’s poop. Did you know that colostrum is similar to amniotic fluid? It’s the best bridge between the fluid baby has been swallowing in the womb, and the mature breast milk which he will eventually drink.

The keyword in all that information up there is “sticky”. Because colostrum is so thick and sticky, it is hard for a pump to extract it efficiently from your breast. Because your newborn baby has a tiny little belly, your breasts do not need to make a lot of it to fill baby’s tummy. Because of both these things, when a new mother tries to pump, most of the colostrum will stick to the flanges or on the sides of a bottle – wasting all that precious goodness.

Credits: Morgan Temple, IBCLC


 New mums expect to see a bottle full of milk when they express milk; it is what we are naturally conditioned to see. So when we look at a handful of viscous droplets sprayed all over the flange and barely covering the base of the bottle, we panic.

What is the solution? Ditch the pump and hand express instead. Massage your breasts gently in circular motions to loosen the sticky colostrum from your milk ducts. Learn how to hand express effectively and gather the droplets in a 3-5ml syringe rather than in a bottle. The colostrum can be chilled and fed to baby, which can be especially useful just in case baby has jaundice or other unexpected medical issues which may result in prolonged separation from mum. A very helpful resource to watch and learn hand expressing from is this video by the Stanford School of Medicine, which explains and demonstrates via real mothers how hand expression can be especially helpful for new mums and newborns. 

The pump is not a need as long as your baby is with you right from birth and breastfeeding well. When your milk supply is well-established, pumping may cause an oversupply. Use it wisely and only when necessary. [Stock Photo]


You Are Not Alone

Last but not least, remember that millions of women around the world have been where you are and come through on the other side. You are not alone, even though the nights can feel lonely. When your baby arrives earthside, cuddle that soft, sweet little infant (even when she’s bawling and angry and red in the face) and know that you have made a strong, wonderful choice to breastfeed. Hang in there Mama! We are rooting for you.

Credits: Illustration by Paula Kuka from Common Wild


Looking for resources for your partner? Read the following articles written by the BMSG to help dads learn how they can better support the breastfeeding mum: Role of Dads in Breastfeeding Families Part 1 and Part 2.

If you need help with breastfeeding, reach out to our BMSG volunteer counsellors by calling or sending a WhatsApp message to +65 339 3558 between 9am and 9pm daily.


Newsletter #32 – Mothering the Mother: Making Confinement Work for Breastfeeding

By Nabila Hanim (BMSG Editorial Team Member)
Photos courtesy of Far’ain Jaafar

Far’ain Jaafar, a BMSG EXCO member and one of BMSG’s breastfeeding counsellors, recently gave birth to her second baby. During her pregnancy, Far’ain, who advocates for mothers prioritising self-care during postpartum, took great efforts to prepare for her second round of confinement. We speak to Far’ain and a few experts who have worked with new mothers to find out how modern mums who are living on their own can have a restful and invigorating postpartum recovery that is also conducive for breastfeeding.

For many of us, confinement may mean a lot of things. For some, it would mean endless days of no showering, a lot of pain and discomfort, and worrying over how to take care of a new baby.

For Far’ain Jaafar, however, confinement is a period for a mother to heal inside and out, while bonding with the baby in as many ways as possible. Having read about the many ways to practice confinement across cultures and believing that the postpartum period, or fourth trimester, is one that should be focused just as much on the new mother, Far’ain decided that she would like to give more thought to her confinement this time around.

After the birth of her first child, Far’ain was well taken care of by her in-laws. Knowing that she would be on her own with her husband and son this time around as they are now living on their own, Far’ain prepared herself and got her husband on board to ensure the postpartum period eased her transition into becoming a breastfeeding mother again.

Far’ain did a lot of reading and research prior to the birth of her baby. Reading up about postpartum, or also known as the Fourth Trimester, helped her better understand the needs of a new mother.


Mothering the Mother

Knowing that her Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD) was going to be during the holiday season where her family members were going to be on vacation, Far’ain ensured that her husband was equipped to provide for her well-being first, above everything else. “In general, I made sure that there (he was going to) be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”

Johanna Wagner, doula and founder at Bumpwise, which provides antenatal classes, workshops and doula services for expecting mothers, believes that care and recuperation for the mother is just as important, if not more, during the postpartum period. “It’s such a crucial time for mum and baby, and we must focus on nourishment, healing, and bonding. Often, sadly, mums and everybody around them focus only on the baby, but we must make a point of also holding the mother who is going through a transformation physically as well as emotionally.”

Giving birth takes a toll on a new mother’s body; having spent nine months carrying baby and going through childbirth is enough to make a mother feel weakened. Yen Lim, owner at Madam Partum, a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) company for pre- and post-natal care, says it is normal and expected for a new mother to feel this way. “The rigours of childbirth deplete the postpartum body of Qi (energy or life force) and blood. It is common for most mothers to experience a weakened body constitution after birth. Hence, the confinement period is a crucial moment where mothers are nursed back to their pre-pregnancy health and vitality through a proper confinement care and nourishment plan.”


Importance of Nourishment in Postpartum Care

Having understood this, Far’ain spent plenty of time during her pregnancy discussing with her husband how she will be cared for during confinement. “I knew that I needed to nourish myself with nutrient-dense food and eat in a timely manner so that I’ll be able to nourish my baby and meet her needs. Hunger, or even food not pleasing to me, will affect my emotional state during confinement,” said Far’ain.  This is a common occurrence with mothers going through postpartum, who go through drastic hormonal fluctuations as the body regulates itself to the pre-pregnancy state. “I ensured that my husband was equipped to prepare my confinement meals by discussing with him about the topic during my pregnancy and curating my confinement meals menu for him to refer to,” said Far’ain, who spent hours researching and reading up on confinement practices during her pregnancy.

“I made sure that there was someone who’ll be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”


The Confinement Diet

While there was plenty of confinement catering options in the market, it was never an option for Far’ain. As she prefered to customise her diet to her needs, she felt that it was logistically easier for her husband to prepare confinement food that was also suitable for everyone in the family to consume. However, since she knew that a lot fell on her husband’s shoulders, she ensured that the recipes were easy to prepare. “Nothing complex or time-consuming. Anything that required long periods of time on the stove were prepared using the slow cooker,” she said.

Far’ain designed a diet plan and menu that was easy for her husband to refer to during her confinement. This was then printed and placed somewhere visible in their kitchen. *For explanations of some of the meals stated above, scroll to the end of this post.


Managing Expectations During the Postpartum Period

Far’ain admitted that confinement this time around was more challenging due to the presence of her older child who turns five this year. Feeling left out, as what is normal for children after receiving a new sibling, he threw a lot of tantrums and displayed attention-seeking behaviour when visitors fawned over the baby. This distressed her a little, but she knew that she needed the mental capacity to focus on breastfeeding and caring for her new baby. “I also kept in mind the rigour needed to meet the breastfeeding needs of a newborn. That greatly helped to strengthen my resolve,” added Far’ain.

As a second-time mother, Far’ain knew to expect and manage some breastfeeding challenges. She faced engorgement and also had to tackle her baby’s initial shallow latch. Managing her expectations actually made her feel more confident about her body and how to manoeuvre around the roadblocks along the way. “I religiously did my breast massages and kept a positive mindset to pull through the discomfort. I also made sure that I kept correcting my baby’s shallow latch in order to help her achieve a good latch. I varied my nursing positions in the day mainly to prevent any blocked or clogged ducts, and avoided underwired bras.” Far’ain found that going braless for many hours in the day also helped her to avoid any pressure on her already-tender breasts.


Prioritising Self-Care & Rest

Far’ain made sure to also allow time for her body to rest significantly during this period despite the demands of breastfeeding and caring for a baby and an older child. Doing what she called “breastsleeping”, Far’ain said: “Baby co-sleeps with me and I’ve mastered the art of nursing while side-lying. I’m still physically at rest while nursing!”

Whenever her husband was occupied with her first-born, Far’ain was open to having to carry her baby during meals as she knew he needed time to tend to their son. Sometimes, she was also alone at home with the baby when her husband brings him out to spend some time together. Maintaining a flexible and positive mindset helped her adapt to the little changes she had to make, as opposed to her first confinement period where her in-laws took care of everything.

Far’ain also coped with having to carry baby around by babywearing. “Babywearing helped me to meet the needs of my baby and took care of my sanity!” she laughed.

Having an older child and living on their own meant that at times, Far’ain still had to carry her baby during meal times when her husband was occupied with her first-born. Learning to manage expectations and developing a positive mindset was a good mental shift for her to cope with her expanding role as a mother of two, yet still being able to maintain her health and well-being.

As many proponents of postpartum would agree, focusing on self-healing is a crucial aspect of postpartum recovery. Far’ain, who followed the Malay cultural tradition of massage after confinement, went through daily postpartum massages for a few days in order to regain her physical strength and to pamper herself as many other mothers would. This did not stop her from continuing to breastfeed her baby.

“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby,” said Far’ain, who also added that mothers should be comfortable and open to discussing arrangements such as these with their masseuse and family members in order to give baby access to the breast as much as possible.

The postpartum period is focused on recovery, but it is also a period of adaptation and can be very overwhelming, what with the fluctuating hormones of a new mother. “Honestly, it was a really difficult and tiring time for me. But I knew that it’s not forever. So I ensured that I put in place whatever I could to make my recuperation smooth. The days get better as I regained my strength. There were bad days and there were good days. It’s all right to have bad days, cry, forgive, repair, reflect and learn to make it better.”

“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby.”


Recipe for Success

Far’ain also advises mums to breathe and adopt a positive mindset. Especially when it comes to breastfeeding, the people who make up the support system of the breastfeeding mother must be equip to help her achieve her goals, not prevent it.

Tips for Breastfeeding Success after Delivery:

  • Empower yourself, your spouse and your caregiver on how to get through the challenging early days of breastfeeding – read widely to gain knowledge or attend breastfeeding workshops
  • Know where to get breastfeeding support For example, BMSG has put in place multiple avenues for mothers to receive support. Also, request to see the lactation consultant before being discharged from the hospital, to ensure that your baby’s latch is corrected and checked for any possible issues in order to rectify them early. This is also a good time to ask any questions or concerns.
  • Assemble your support team! This is so essential during and after confinement. The people you place around you can make or break your breastfeeding efforts. Keep close the ones who will make breastfeeding easy and uncomplicated and who would help you to successfully breastfeed and learn to wear imaginary earplugs for those who would affect you negatively but whom you have to face daily/regularly during your confinement. Remember a “simple” remark such as “Are you sure you have enough milk?” can affect your greatly (thanks to fluctuating hormones and being new to breastfeeding)
  • Prioritise nutrient-dense diet – Remember to have your proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals in your food. Drink water and consume lots of healing fluids in the form of soups/non-caffeinated teas/herbals. Confinement is not the time to be concern about weight loss. The goal is to regain health and vitality through nutrient dense food and being gentle to our body. Our bodies went through a life force of pregnancy and birth.


Words Can Make or Break

Echoing Far’ain’s view of how important it is to keep a strong support team near the breastfeeding mother, postpartum doula Fauziah Abas, who founded prenatal and postnatal care company Revivify, feels that it is important for family members or anyone who will be caring for the mum during the confinement period to be educated on how to treat her sensitively. “Family members need to be mindful about words that may have a negative impact on a new mother,” said Fauziah, who has been a birth and postpartum doula for several years now. Having spent a lot of time caring for new mums, she finds that well-meaning remarks can make or break a new mother, on top of the other physical and mental challenges that she may feel are insurmountable.

“The job of family members is to physically assist the mother and refrain from making hurtful comments especially when she faces breastfeeding challenges,” said Fauziah. “(Family members ought) to respect  the mother’s wishes to breastfeed as long as she intended to and not to impose their opinions about breastfeeding based on their own negative experiences,” she said. She also added that the immediate family can do more to control the number of visitors and help to give the mother as much space as she can to rest and breastfeed her baby.


Forty Days for Forty Years

Regardless of which cultural confinement practices you choose to follow or not, postpartum is a period for the mother to find herself and rejuvenate her body, mind and spirit to her old self. While it is particularly challenging in this period of time where the new mother may feel isolated and alone without her “village” of help and support, new families must be open to learning how to support a new mother and especially if she is new to breastfeeding. As many elders across cultures and ethnicities have widely advised, investing in these forty days (or more!) of confinement will bring meaningful returns for forty years to come.

[We have also previously written on Indian Confinement Practices. Click here to read.]


*** About the Confinement Recipes***

  • Most of the recipes Far’ain consumed were adapted from the book “The First Forty Days” by Heng Ou
  • Air Kunyit – Turmeric Water; helps with reproductive and womb health
  • Jamu Wanita – Women’s Jamu; traditional Indonesian herbal concoction meant for a woman’s overall well-being
  • Talbinah – A prophetic dietary tradition from the Arab culture; made from barley cooked with milk and sweetened with honey. It is believed that this dish soothes the heart and treats sadness.
  • Sourdough Waffles – Unlike the usual waffle made from plain flour, the sourdough waffle is made from the addition of a sourdough starter to the waffle mix. Sourdough is believed to have benefits for the human digestive system and is a good alternative to commercial bread or dough.