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Newsletter #32 – Mothering the Mother: Making Confinement Work for Breastfeeding

By Nabila Hanim (BMSG Editorial Team Member)
Photos courtesy of Far’ain Jaafar

Far’ain Jaafar, a BMSG EXCO member and one of BMSG’s breastfeeding counsellors, recently gave birth to her second baby. During her pregnancy, Far’ain, who advocates for mothers prioritising self-care during postpartum, took great efforts to prepare for her second round of confinement. We speak to Far’ain and a few experts who have worked with new mothers to find out how modern mums who are living on their own can have a restful and invigorating postpartum recovery that is also conducive for breastfeeding.

For many of us, confinement may mean a lot of things. For some, it would mean endless days of no showering, a lot of pain and discomfort, and worrying over how to take care of a new baby.

For Far’ain Jaafar, however, confinement is a period for a mother to heal inside and out, while bonding with the baby in as many ways as possible. Having read about the many ways to practice confinement across cultures and believing that the postpartum period, or fourth trimester, is one that should be focused just as much on the new mother, Far’ain decided that she would like to give more thought to her confinement this time around.

After the birth of her first child, Far’ain was well taken care of by her in-laws. Knowing that she would be on her own with her husband and son this time around as they are now living on their own, Far’ain prepared herself and got her husband on board to ensure the postpartum period eased her transition into becoming a breastfeeding mother again.

Far’ain did a lot of reading and research prior to the birth of her baby. Reading up about postpartum, or also known as the Fourth Trimester, helped her better understand the needs of a new mother.

Mothering the Mother

Knowing that her Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD) was going to be during the holiday season where her family members were going to be on vacation, Far’ain ensured that her husband was equipped to provide for her well-being first, above everything else. “In general, I made sure that there (he was going to) be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”

Johanna Wagner, doula and founder at Bumpwise, which provides antenatal classes, workshops and doula services for expecting mothers, believes that care and recuperation for the mother is just as important, if not more, during the postpartum period. “It’s such a crucial time for mum and baby, and we must focus on nourishment, healing, and bonding. Often, sadly, mums and everybody around them focus only on the baby, but we must make a point of also holding the mother who is going through a transformation physically as well as emotionally.”

Giving birth takes a toll on a new mother’s body; having spent nine months carrying baby and going through childbirth is enough to make a mother feel weakened. Yen Lim, owner at Madam Partum, a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) company for pre- and post-natal care, says it is normal and expected for a new mother to feel this way. “The rigours of childbirth deplete the postpartum body of Qi (energy or life force) and blood. It is common for most mothers to experience a weakened body constitution after birth. Hence, the confinement period is a crucial moment where mothers are nursed back to their pre-pregnancy health and vitality through a proper confinement care and nourishment plan.”

Importance of Nourishment in Postpartum Care

Having understood this, Far’ain spent plenty of time during her pregnancy discussing with her husband how she will be cared for during confinement. “I knew that I needed to nourish myself with nutrient-dense food and eat in a timely manner so that I’ll be able to nourish my baby and meet her needs. Hunger, or even food not pleasing to me, will affect my emotional state during confinement,” said Far’ain.  This is a common occurrence with mothers going through postpartum, who go through drastic hormonal fluctuations as the body regulates itself to the pre-pregnancy state. “I ensured that my husband was equipped to prepare my confinement meals by discussing with him about the topic during my pregnancy and curating my confinement meals menu for him to refer to,” said Far’ain, who spent hours researching and reading up on confinement practices during her pregnancy.

“I made sure that there was someone who’ll be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”

The Confinement Diet

While there was plenty of confinement catering options in the market, it was never an option for Far’ain. As she prefered to customise her diet to her needs, she felt that it was logistically easier for her husband to prepare confinement food that was also suitable for everyone in the family to consume. However, since she knew that a lot fell on her husband’s shoulders, she ensured that the recipes were easy to prepare. “Nothing complex or time-consuming. Anything that required long periods of time on the stove were prepared using the slow cooker,” she said.

Far’ain designed a diet plan and menu that was easy for her husband to refer to during her confinement. This was then printed and placed somewhere visible in their kitchen. *For explanations of some of the meals stated above, scroll to the end of this post.

Managing Expectations During the Postpartum Period

Far’ain admitted that confinement this time around was more challenging due to the presence of her older child who turns five this year. Feeling left out, as what is normal for children after receiving a new sibling, he threw a lot of tantrums and displayed attention-seeking behaviour when visitors fawned over the baby. This distressed her a little, but she knew that she needed the mental capacity to focus on breastfeeding and caring for her new baby. “I also kept in mind the rigour needed to meet the breastfeeding needs of a newborn. That greatly helped to strengthen my resolve,” added Far’ain.

As a second-time mother, Far’ain knew to expect and manage some breastfeeding challenges. She faced engorgement and also had to tackle her baby’s initial shallow latch. Managing her expectations actually made her feel more confident about her body and how to manoeuvre around the roadblocks along the way. “I religiously did my breast massages and kept a positive mindset to pull through the discomfort. I also made sure that I kept correcting my baby’s shallow latch in order to help her achieve a good latch. I varied my nursing positions in the day mainly to prevent any blocked or clogged ducts, and avoided underwired bras.” Far’ain found that going braless for many hours in the day also helped her to avoid any pressure on her already-tender breasts.

Prioritising Self-Care & Rest

Far’ain made sure to also allow time for her body to rest significantly during this period despite the demands of breastfeeding and caring for a baby and an older child. Doing what she called “breastsleeping”, Far’ain said: “Baby co-sleeps with me and I’ve mastered the art of nursing while side-lying. I’m still physically at rest while nursing!”

Whenever her husband was occupied with her first-born, Far’ain was open to having to carry her baby during meals as she knew he needed time to tend to their son. Sometimes, she was also alone at home with the baby when her husband brings him out to spend some time together. Maintaining a flexible and positive mindset helped her adapt to the little changes she had to make, as opposed to her first confinement period where her in-laws took care of everything.

Far’ain also coped with having to carry baby around by babywearing. “Babywearing helped me to meet the needs of my baby and took care of my sanity!” she laughed.

Having an older child and living on their own meant that at times, Far’ain still had to carry her baby during meal times when her husband was occupied with her first-born. Learning to manage expectations and developing a positive mindset was a good mental shift for her to cope with her expanding role as a mother of two, yet still being able to maintain her health and well-being.

As many proponents of postpartum would agree, focusing on self-healing is a crucial aspect of postpartum recovery. Far’ain, who followed the Malay cultural tradition of massage after confinement, went through daily postpartum massages for a few days in order to regain her physical strength and to pamper herself as many other mothers would. This did not stop her from continuing to breastfeed her baby.

“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby,” said Far’ain, who also added that mothers should be comfortable and open to discussing arrangements such as these with their masseuse and family members in order to give baby access to the breast as much as possible.

The postpartum period is focused on recovery, but it is also a period of adaptation and can be very overwhelming, what with the fluctuating hormones of a new mother. “Honestly, it was a really difficult and tiring time for me. But I knew that it’s not forever. So I ensured that I put in place whatever I could to make my recuperation smooth. The days get better as I regained my strength. There were bad days and there were good days. It’s all right to have bad days, cry, forgive, repair, reflect and learn to make it better.”

“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby.”

Recipe for Success

Far’ain also advises mums to breathe and adopt a positive mindset. Especially when it comes to breastfeeding, the people who make up the support system of the breastfeeding mother must be equip to help her achieve her goals, not prevent it.

Tips for Breastfeeding Success after Delivery:

  • Empower yourself, your spouse and your caregiver on how to get through the challenging early days of breastfeeding – read widely to gain knowledge or attend breastfeeding workshops
  • Know where to get breastfeeding support For example, BMSG has put in place multiple avenues for mothers to receive support. Also, request to see the lactation consultant before being discharged from the hospital, to ensure that your baby’s latch is corrected and checked for any possible issues in order to rectify them early. This is also a good time to ask any questions or concerns.
  • Assemble your support team! This is so essential during and after confinement. The people you place around you can make or break your breastfeeding efforts. Keep close the ones who will make breastfeeding easy and uncomplicated and who would help you to successfully breastfeed and learn to wear imaginary earplugs for those who would affect you negatively but whom you have to face daily/regularly during your confinement. Remember a “simple” remark such as “Are you sure you have enough milk?” can affect your greatly (thanks to fluctuating hormones and being new to breastfeeding)
  • Prioritise nutrient-dense diet – Remember to have your proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals in your food. Drink water and consume lots of healing fluids in the form of soups/non-caffeinated teas/herbals. Confinement is not the time to be concern about weight loss. The goal is to regain health and vitality through nutrient dense food and being gentle to our body. Our bodies went through a life force of pregnancy and birth.

Words Can Make or Break

Echoing Far’ain’s view of how important it is to keep a strong support team near the breastfeeding mother, postpartum doula Fauziah Abas, who founded prenatal and postnatal care company Revivify, feels that it is important for family members or anyone who will be caring for the mum during the confinement period to be educated on how to treat her sensitively. “Family members need to be mindful about words that may have a negative impact on a new mother,” said Fauziah, who has been a birth and postpartum doula for several years now. Having spent a lot of time caring for new mums, she finds that well-meaning remarks can make or break a new mother, on top of the other physical and mental challenges that she may feel are insurmountable.

“The job of family members is to physically assist the mother and refrain from making hurtful comments especially when she faces breastfeeding challenges,” said Fauziah. “(Family members ought) to respect  the mother’s wishes to breastfeed as long as she intended to and not to impose their opinions about breastfeeding based on their own negative experiences,” she said. She also added that the immediate family can do more to control the number of visitors and help to give the mother as much space as she can to rest and breastfeed her baby.

Forty Days for Forty Years

Regardless of which cultural confinement practices you choose to follow or not, postpartum is a period for the mother to find herself and rejuvenate her body, mind and spirit to her old self. While it is particularly challenging in this period of time where the new mother may feel isolated and alone without her “village” of help and support, new families must be open to learning how to support a new mother and especially if she is new to breastfeeding. As many elders across cultures and ethnicities have widely advised, investing in these forty days (or more!) of confinement will bring meaningful returns for forty years to come.

[We have also previously written on Indian Confinement Practices. Click here to read.]

*** About the Confinement Recipes***

  • Most of the recipes Far’ain consumed were adapted from the book “The First Forty Days” by Heng Ou
  • Air Kunyit – Turmeric Water; helps with reproductive and womb health
  • Jamu Wanita – Women’s Jamu; traditional Indonesian herbal concoction meant for a woman’s overall well-being
  • Talbinah – A prophetic dietary tradition from the Arab culture; made from barley cooked with milk and sweetened with honey. It is believed that this dish soothes the heart and treats sadness.
  • Sourdough Waffles – Unlike the usual waffle made from plain flour, the sourdough waffle is made from the addition of a sourdough starter to the waffle mix. Sourdough is believed to have benefits for the human digestive system and is a good alternative to commercial bread or dough.

Newsletter #32: Never Say Never – Story of an EP Mum

As told to Nabila Hanim (BMSG Editorial Team Member)
Photos courtesy of Andrea Salleh

Being an exclusive pumping mum does not stop Andrea Salleh, a mother of two, from doing what she needs to do.

No baby but a breast pump underneath that cover! Andrea calmly pumps while on the move as it has become second nature to her.

If you ever bump into Andrea Salleh along the streets, you might spot her with a big bag and a huge nursing cover. Don’t be fooled; underneath the pretty cloth is her double breast pump strapped to her chest.

The mother of two children, a two-year old girl and seven month-old boy, is no stranger to pumping on-the-go, even while on public transport. “I have pumped in the MRT, the bus and even in taxis and Grab Cars,” quipped Andrea, an art educator and also a passionate face painter.

Being invited to parties and booths form part of the demands of her job. Andrea, who has to be mobile for work due to the nature of her job, does not allow her work demands to stop her from providing breast milk for her children. As she is contracted by the hour, and sometimes has long queues at the booth, pumping while working is not a choice but a need!

Pumping while at work. Pumping doesn’t stop Andrea from doing what she loves!

Andrea, who is still breastfeeding her seven-month-old second-born, had managed to breastfeed her first child up till one year old. She attributed her success at exclusively pumping (EP) to a friend, who was the first to suggest that she learn to pump on-the-go. “I was initially using a single manual pump and pumping was such a chore. But once my friend taught me how to pump while on the move, I was hooked and loved the experience so much,” said Andrea, who also pumps regularly even when bringing her children out.

Having trouble latching her firstborn after her birth and coupled with oversupply, Andrea turned to pumping with the encouragement of her husband. With inverted nipples and her baby’s shallow latch, Andrea felt a lot of pain when she tried to breastfeed her child. Feeling dejected after bouts of mastitis that plagued her weekly during her early postpartum days, Andrea came to terms with having to pump although she initially struggled having to keep up with frequent pumping at regular intervals.

For now, pumping has become so natural to her that she can even pour her bottle of expressed milk into a milk storage bag right after pumping under her nursing cover in a moving vehicle! She also makes things easy by putting everything she needs into a large cooler bag that contains several compartments. The bag can even fit her pump, although she admits the bag is heavy for her.

A screen-grab from Andrea’s social media page shows her pumping in a bus.

Andrea also tries to maximise her time when she is out for work assignments. Although pumping while working is a given, Andrea also makes it a point to pump on the way back home. “This saves me a lot of time. Since I have been away from my family, especially the children, for a number of hours, I don’t want to waste more time pumping as soon as I reach home,” she added. With this time saved, she is able to attend to her children’s needs right away when she reaches home.

Andrea admits that exclusively pumping while taking care of one baby was still manageable as she had the help of family members to take care of her child as she pumps. However, pumping with two children in tow is another challenge altogether. She tries not to stress herself when her pumping schedule gets delayed due to her kids’ cries for attention. “If my toddler is having a tantrum, I calm her down first (before proceeding to pump),” Andrea said. She also invested in a front and back double pram so that she is able to put both her children down to pump when they are out.

Nothing stops Andrea from pumping when she needs to. In the middle of having supper with her husband and their friends, Andrea took a moment to pump milk for her baby.

“Managing expectations was probably one of the most important things I learnt as an EP mum,” said Andrea, who succeeded to provide her daughter breast milk up till one year old. Although she had to supplement her daughter with donated breast milk when she was seven months old due to a stressful period of her life that dwindled her supply, Andrea feels satisfied over the long battle she has gone through. Andrea has also started to mix feed her second-born after making an informed decision not to accept donated milk. As her first child has already had three wet nurses*, she feels that keeping in touch with them is already challenging.

Having religiously kept to a strict pumping schedule of two hours for the first five months of his life and maintaining a good milk supply, she found her supply drying up when she could not keep up with his demand. “I started pumping every four hours instead and sometimes dragged my pump (session) because I was occupied,” said Andrea.

However, Andrea is determined to continue providing whatever amount she can for her son. “Embrace your choices and make an informed decision. Do not ever compare yourself to another mother. Just do your best and take things a step at a time,” she declared with well-deserved pride.

Embrace your choices and make an informed decision. Do not ever compare yourself to another mother. Just do your best and take things a step at a time.

– Andrea Kauthar

*Wet Nursing in Islam

In Islam, wet nursing and/or milk-sharing are seen as a noble act, and comes with its own stipulations and guidelines. When a nursling receives five full feeds from a different mother, a consanguine relationship is established between the two. This nursling will also be considered as a milk sibling to the other lady’s own biological children, and as such are not permitted to marry one another. Hence, the implications of this is that Muslim families who practice wet nursing and/or milk-sharing are encouraged to have each other’s details and to keep in close contact to one another so as to ensure that the relationship is rendered as common knowledge. You can read more here (section under Wet Nursing & Adoption).