By Nabila Hanim (BMSG Editorial Team Member)
Photos courtesy of Far’ain Jaafar
Far’ain Jaafar, a BMSG EXCO member and one of BMSG’s breastfeeding counsellors, recently gave birth to her second baby. During her pregnancy, Far’ain, who advocates for mothers prioritising self-care during postpartum, took great efforts to prepare for her second round of confinement. We speak to Far’ain and a few experts who have worked with new mothers to find out how modern mums who are living on their own can have a restful and invigorating postpartum recovery that is also conducive for breastfeeding.
For many of us, confinement may mean a lot of things. For some, it would mean endless days of no showering, a lot of pain and discomfort, and worrying over how to take care of a new baby.
For Far’ain Jaafar, however, confinement is a period for a mother to heal inside and out, while bonding with the baby in as many ways as possible. Having read about the many ways to practice confinement across cultures and believing that the postpartum period, or fourth trimester, is one that should be focused just as much on the new mother, Far’ain decided that she would like to give more thought to her confinement this time around.
After the birth of her first child, Far’ain was well taken care of by her in-laws. Knowing that she would be on her own with her husband and son this time around as they are now living on their own, Far’ain prepared herself and got her husband on board to ensure the postpartum period eased her transition into becoming a breastfeeding mother again.
Mothering the Mother
Knowing that her Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD) was going to be during the holiday season where her family members were going to be on vacation, Far’ain ensured that her husband was equipped to provide for her well-being first, above everything else. “In general, I made sure that there (he was going to) be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”
Johanna Wagner, doula and founder at Bumpwise, which provides antenatal classes, workshops and doula services for expecting mothers, believes that care and recuperation for the mother is just as important, if not more, during the postpartum period. “It’s such a crucial time for mum and baby, and we must focus on nourishment, healing, and bonding. Often, sadly, mums and everybody around them focus only on the baby, but we must make a point of also holding the mother who is going through a transformation physically as well as emotionally.”
Giving birth takes a toll on a new mother’s body; having spent nine months carrying baby and going through childbirth is enough to make a mother feel weakened. Yen Lim, owner at Madam Partum, a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) company for pre- and post-natal care, says it is normal and expected for a new mother to feel this way. “The rigours of childbirth deplete the postpartum body of Qi (energy or life force) and blood. It is common for most mothers to experience a weakened body constitution after birth. Hence, the confinement period is a crucial moment where mothers are nursed back to their pre-pregnancy health and vitality through a proper confinement care and nourishment plan.”
Importance of Nourishment in Postpartum Care
Having understood this, Far’ain spent plenty of time during her pregnancy discussing with her husband how she will be cared for during confinement. “I knew that I needed to nourish myself with nutrient-dense food and eat in a timely manner so that I’ll be able to nourish my baby and meet her needs. Hunger, or even food not pleasing to me, will affect my emotional state during confinement,” said Far’ain. This is a common occurrence with mothers going through postpartum, who go through drastic hormonal fluctuations as the body regulates itself to the pre-pregnancy state. “I ensured that my husband was equipped to prepare my confinement meals by discussing with him about the topic during my pregnancy and curating my confinement meals menu for him to refer to,” said Far’ain, who spent hours researching and reading up on confinement practices during her pregnancy.
“I made sure that there was someone who’ll be able to meet my needs so that I will be able to meet the needs of my baby, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”
The Confinement Diet
While there was plenty of confinement catering options in the market, it was never an option for Far’ain. As she prefered to customise her diet to her needs, she felt that it was logistically easier for her husband to prepare confinement food that was also suitable for everyone in the family to consume. However, since she knew that a lot fell on her husband’s shoulders, she ensured that the recipes were easy to prepare. “Nothing complex or time-consuming. Anything that required long periods of time on the stove were prepared using the slow cooker,” she said.
Managing Expectations During the Postpartum Period
Far’ain admitted that confinement this time around was more challenging due to the presence of her older child who turns five this year. Feeling left out, as what is normal for children after receiving a new sibling, he threw a lot of tantrums and displayed attention-seeking behaviour when visitors fawned over the baby. This distressed her a little, but she knew that she needed the mental capacity to focus on breastfeeding and caring for her new baby. “I also kept in mind the rigour needed to meet the breastfeeding needs of a newborn. That greatly helped to strengthen my resolve,” added Far’ain.
As a second-time mother, Far’ain knew to expect and manage some breastfeeding challenges. She faced engorgement and also had to tackle her baby’s initial shallow latch. Managing her expectations actually made her feel more confident about her body and how to manoeuvre around the roadblocks along the way. “I religiously did my breast massages and kept a positive mindset to pull through the discomfort. I also made sure that I kept correcting my baby’s shallow latch in order to help her achieve a good latch. I varied my nursing positions in the day mainly to prevent any blocked or clogged ducts, and avoided underwired bras.” Far’ain found that going braless for many hours in the day also helped her to avoid any pressure on her already-tender breasts.
Prioritising Self-Care & Rest
Far’ain made sure to also allow time for her body to rest significantly during this period despite the demands of breastfeeding and caring for a baby and an older child. Doing what she called “breastsleeping”, Far’ain said: “Baby co-sleeps with me and I’ve mastered the art of nursing while side-lying. I’m still physically at rest while nursing!”
Whenever her husband was occupied with her first-born, Far’ain was open to having to carry her baby during meals as she knew he needed time to tend to their son. Sometimes, she was also alone at home with the baby when her husband brings him out to spend some time together. Maintaining a flexible and positive mindset helped her adapt to the little changes she had to make, as opposed to her first confinement period where her in-laws took care of everything.
Far’ain also coped with having to carry baby around by babywearing. “Babywearing helped me to meet the needs of my baby and took care of my sanity!” she laughed.
As many proponents of postpartum would agree, focusing on self-healing is a crucial aspect of postpartum recovery. Far’ain, who followed the Malay cultural tradition of massage after confinement, went through daily postpartum massages for a few days in order to regain her physical strength and to pamper herself as many other mothers would. This did not stop her from continuing to breastfeed her baby.
“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby,” said Far’ain, who also added that mothers should be comfortable and open to discussing arrangements such as these with their masseuse and family members in order to give baby access to the breast as much as possible.
The postpartum period is focused on recovery, but it is also a period of adaptation and can be very overwhelming, what with the fluctuating hormones of a new mother. “Honestly, it was a really difficult and tiring time for me. But I knew that it’s not forever. So I ensured that I put in place whatever I could to make my recuperation smooth. The days get better as I regained my strength. There were bad days and there were good days. It’s all right to have bad days, cry, forgive, repair, reflect and learn to make it better.”
“I scheduled my massages around the times that baby would feed. This meant that I would have to either feed her before or after the massage session, or on some days, express a little bit of breastmilk for others to feed her while I was in a massage session. My masseuse was also fine with me taking a little interval to feed my baby.”
Recipe for Success
Far’ain also advises mums to breathe and adopt a positive mindset. Especially when it comes to breastfeeding, the people who make up the support system of the breastfeeding mother must be equip to help her achieve her goals, not prevent it.
|Tips for Breastfeeding Success after Delivery:
Words Can Make or Break
Echoing Far’ain’s view of how important it is to keep a strong support team near the breastfeeding mother, postpartum doula Fauziah Abas, who founded prenatal and postnatal care company Revivify, feels that it is important for family members or anyone who will be caring for the mum during the confinement period to be educated on how to treat her sensitively. “Family members need to be mindful about words that may have a negative impact on a new mother,” said Fauziah, who has been a birth and postpartum doula for several years now. Having spent a lot of time caring for new mums, she finds that well-meaning remarks can make or break a new mother, on top of the other physical and mental challenges that she may feel are insurmountable.
“The job of family members is to physically assist the mother and refrain from making hurtful comments especially when she faces breastfeeding challenges,” said Fauziah. “(Family members ought) to respect the mother’s wishes to breastfeed as long as she intended to and not to impose their opinions about breastfeeding based on their own negative experiences,” she said. She also added that the immediate family can do more to control the number of visitors and help to give the mother as much space as she can to rest and breastfeed her baby.
Forty Days for Forty Years
Regardless of which cultural confinement practices you choose to follow or not, postpartum is a period for the mother to find herself and rejuvenate her body, mind and spirit to her old self. While it is particularly challenging in this period of time where the new mother may feel isolated and alone without her “village” of help and support, new families must be open to learning how to support a new mother and especially if she is new to breastfeeding. As many elders across cultures and ethnicities have widely advised, investing in these forty days (or more!) of confinement will bring meaningful returns for forty years to come.
[We have also previously written on Indian Confinement Practices. Click here to read.]
*** About the Confinement Recipes***
- Most of the recipes Far’ain consumed were adapted from the book “The First Forty Days” by Heng Ou
- Air Kunyit – Turmeric Water; helps with reproductive and womb health
- Jamu Wanita – Women’s Jamu; traditional Indonesian herbal concoction meant for a woman’s overall well-being
- Talbinah – A prophetic dietary tradition from the Arab culture; made from barley cooked with milk and sweetened with honey. It is believed that this dish soothes the heart and treats sadness.
- Sourdough Waffles – Unlike the usual waffle made from plain flour, the sourdough waffle is made from the addition of a sourdough starter to the waffle mix. Sourdough is believed to have benefits for the human digestive system and is a good alternative to commercial bread or dough.